Depression..GO AWAY!!

~~Well,i've been ponteng alot of days!!if im not mistaken i think for 3 hari berturut-turut..u know wat..i duno why nowadays i dun feel like studying..i wish time can past so fast and i can juz stop goin to skol..but after i think so long and think so deep..i know that if i dun even have a SPM sijil..i wont have a good future..so i decided to keep on study until i finish my SPM then i finally can do wat i wan to do...this few days..depression has taken over me..there's once i feel like suicide..but i know its a stupid thinking...if suicide really can solve my problems..i guess im already dead by now...so i'll take another alternatives..and i opt to finish wat i have started..i know that maybe my life is really that bored..but it feels like everything doesnt make sense anymore...i guess my depression is really deep that i think it can sinked me..so i dun wana go to skol for these 3 days..to let my mine relax...coz i think if really i heard anything i uncomfortable i scared that i will really do stupid stuff...actually i dun mind suicide since my life is meaningless..but i dun wan my family to mourn my death..and waste money for stuff like funeral...well,at least know i still have God..and he will always be on my side..until the day i go to heaven..lolx..being so emo rite now...im sorry..but i juz cant control it..i feel like a volcano goin to explode...a sea full of water is goin to poured out..but when i cry nothing came out..i thought by crying i can feel better..but instead i feel worst....im so useless..cry aso not even a single tear come out...haiz...i felt like this song.....=( T.T(sobs)

Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along
And now I try hard to make itI just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend thatI'm alright
And you can't change me
'Cuz we lost it all Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and We can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far awayAnd it feels like you don't care anymore
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright
'Cuz we lost it all Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and We can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and We can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
'Cuz we lost it all Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and We can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

felt so emo rite now.. but i think im gonna be ok..im a survivor..all these is juz a minor things i go through in my life..i think when in 10 yrs later when i see back these post i will laugh my heart out...but somehow all these are not silly things i felt rite know...either 1 of it can bring me down or make me standing still...there's this quote i duno where i see it but i really like it..."If u can't get rid of them,be friends with them" and also this quote.."If u don't stand for something,you will fall for anything"..sounds familiar rite?actually i saw it at skol....there's alot of quote and motivation message...so i'll think positive and go through all the challenges in my life...u know what i do all these day?i watch movie or dramas..by watching all these show i can relax and won't simply think...at least i know im not the only one go through these phase....haiz...i guess...i wrote alot ady..so i think im gona stop now...btw,Gossip Girl Season 2 Episode 2 has came out..so addictive man this show..and somehow quite encouraging...i know my language is vry bad la..with the malaysian slang and all..and grammar error..and lousy peribahasa..haiz...but wat to do im malaysian ma..anywayz,,take care everyone..until i update again...well,i know maybe no one is reading this blog..but i still blog is to express how i felt..so my advice is...if u feel emo like me..juz listen to songs..and sing ur heart out,u will feel much better..after all, no music no life!peace..xoxo...papayasyrup..=.=

Ps:Crying is a better way to release stress..but somehow doesnt work for me...so i opt for music